Escapism

My emotions start sizzling. I don't feel so lousy anymore. Perhaps this is what they call acceptance, after passing phases of anger and denial. When I received my scores for the exam, I realised that I had only failed marginally. Yes, it is still a failure, but I guess my standard is not that bad. My brain matter may have started to shrivel after the big '3' but I think there is still enough left to attempt another round. One final attempt...

I wished I didn't have to do it again. I just hoped to settle down, have kids and be a homemaker. Be away from all scrutinies and tests of life. Escapism.

I called up R, my honourable ex-studymate and comrade, whom like me, despite the wealth of clinical experiences we had, had failed to make that crucial mark.

"How did you score? Mine's 95, 85 (scores for the two parts)..."he asked expectantly.

"Err...it was marginal for me too...97, 85..." I said hesitantly.

There was a momentary awkward silence. R has always been held in high regards due to his immense knowledge and sheer confidence throughout his many years in the institution.

"I am really disappointed with myself..." he sighed, "I gotta leave you now coz my two kids are screaming at the top of their lungs and my wife is at work..."

I could not find any words to comfort him at that point. I was really in a no-better situation.

Life is so full of disappointments. And comfort is sometimes only created at the expense of someone else' sorrows.

"These things I wish for you -- tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life." - Paul Harvey