Wait.....

While savouring my usual prepacked muffins and crunching the tasty Vegemite biscuits during dinner yesterday at workplace, I had a frivolous conversation with a nursing colleague which led to juicy gossips about intra-departmental affairs between the doctors and the nurses. This was one of the rarest occasions for me to indulge in such pet talks with the working staff here since my arrival, as I had always maintained the geeky hardworking image that was the trademark of Singaland doctors in this foreign country.

"Oh yes, C (sweet young thing) has been dating Dr K....but K is more than 10 years her senior and he's going back to UK.......no, he's not bringing her along......she's still pining for that moment and crazy over him.......never mind if he's a Muslim........what a stupid girl......"

We were incorrigible. It was an occupational hazard. We had our fair share of gossips in Singaland and there was no sparing here in Oz. We would pounce on it viciously like hungry wolves attacking a piece of fresh meat, and walk away satisfied after savouring the chunk while looking for the next available prey.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I admire and wish I have C's courage and determination. She believed in her love for K and fought hard for their future together, although we knew it would most likely be futile. But at least she would have no regrets because she had tried her best.

My friends had been ever encouraging whenever I hinted at the slightest attraction I had for a guy. "Go for it...make the first move...you have nothing to lose in the end...." How many times have I heard these: "No pain, no gain...you can drop hints first...." "You may lose him forever..." "It's easier if the girl makes the first move..."

I can never be like my steely friends, who would dare to write notes or cards for their crushees, or simply ask the guys out for a meal. I am way too conservative and traditionalist for the 20th century. I still hold the view that guys should approach the girls first. I am afraid of rejections. I am afraid that the guy would take me for granted later since I went after him in the first place. Maybe the chemistries are not strong enough to propel me to start the balls rolling. I am a coward and big loser when it comes to dealing with love relationships.

I have lost opportunities for being too reserved in my feelings, even if I did have likings for some. I wish they would have been more persistent in their pursuit, even if I am aware that this would have been unfair for them. Perhaps it would take a huge hammer to knock some sense out of my thick impenetrable skull before I go into desperate despair and my eggs start begging.

As for now, I shall wait....and wait....and wait.....