Emotions

"Are you crazy?", my good friend here exclaimed when he heard that I was going back home again, after just returning 3 weeks ago.

"Did something go wrong here?" prompted another pal who was probably now assuming that I was a spoilt brattess from Singaland, unable to take anymore hardship outside of my comfort zone and thus flying back to the cuddles of my doting parents.

My heart was crying out badly.

Yes, there was a minor setback that I have encountered here. And thanks to my heavenly stars, I had the timely assistance and honoured support from my superiors and friends. The matter was settled but the bitterness lingered.

Going home this time was a short but sweet reunion. Mainly it was for my parents.

"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back" (William D. Tammeus)

Perhaps I should refrain from flying back home again. To save myself the buckets of tears at the airport and on the plane. The heartaches that could have made me crumble.

Or maybe I should just call it a day and pack my bags when my contract ends.

I am in this state of helpless dilemma. The fearful thought of my dad's recent anginal symptoms and his stubborn refusal to consult the cardiologist floated in my mind. I should spend more time by his side. And my mum's greying hair...

I tossed the coin again.

I am leading a valued independent life here with blessed cool weather, perfect for my physical health and complexion. The broad-mindedness and carefree attitudes of my friends here formed positive influences for my personal development. The doors for more career advancement and opportunities opened wide for me.

I prayed hard...

My parents are genuinely happy with their lives, having toiled and built their home, their family and bonds, their roots firmly on the ground. There is no reason for them to forsake their foundations and start afresh in a foreign land.

I should be happy for them. Although they would have wished that I would be like any other child, dutifully fulfilling my role to them and faithfully settling down with my other half, they realised the new era and the generation gap between us. They knew they had to let me go.

"The one who understands does not speak; the one who speaks does not understand."

May God bless me with the wisdom to choose, the strength of will to persevere, and the determination to succeed.