This Christmas
Christmas, the season of joy and celebrations, always evokes a torrent of memories in me, for obvious reasons. Not very favourable ones. It is often associated with I.L. Even though I had written earlier about our fateless story and my resolution to close the chapter once and for all, I never could quite truly live up to my words and promise. I am human after all, and one very sentimental being.
* * *
Year 1992
I was down with a flu few days before Christmas. I.L decided that he probably had enough of my indifference to our relationship and brought his ugly and desperately-seeking admirer from Business Administration faculty to our class party. He called me later at home to find out if I was alright. I valiantly put up a brave front, sniffing away from the cold (or was I actually stung by my tears?). That marked the end of our bland, yet emotionally-embroiled entanglement.
* * *
Year 1993
We were at a Christmas house party of a mutual friend and classmate. We had not spoken to each other for a year. We were cordial nevertheless and had group sharing with others. He was there without his girlfriend and offered to drive me home later. Halfway in the journey, he pretended not to be sure of his directions. I was pretty disappointed and had resolved to put our past behind. We moved on.
* * *
Year 1999
We met again at a local hospital in the north. I was the earnest General Medicine intern and he was in the busy Cardiology department. We had a night call together one day. I had just returned from a romantic Christmas holiday in New Zealand, while he was going through some turmoil in his new marriage. We had a memorable chat that night over a drink. He moved on to another rotation soon after.
* * *
Year 2003
We met at a friend's wedding dinner just after Christmas. By then, he had gone through a few postings of ENT as part of his GP training and planned to specialise in it. I had moved on to General Practice instead after realising that Internal Medicine was not my choice of career. Did he have a new special someone in his life, I wondered? I never had the courage to look at him in the eyes or say hi. Perhaps I should have.
* * *
Year 2004
It was one of the best Christmas I have had for a long while. My first one in the land of Oz. I met a professor of Paediatrics over casual dinner and was offered a job in his department by a stroke of luck. I had never felt more honoured and flattered. I had an enjoyable Christmas eve gathering with my favourite colleagues in a restaurant. There was absolutely no borders or animosity despite our diversed countries of origin. I had spent a week earlier with my loved ones at Perth and would be celebrating New Year's Eve in Sydney with my newfound confidants. The silver lining is now emerging for me, is it not?
I watched "Sleepless in Seattle" on TV yesterday, on Christmas Day. It was the show that we had meant to watch together 12 years ago but never did. I was completely enchanted by the succulent sweet Meg Ryan and ever charismatic Tom Hanks, despite having been mesmerised by the screenings multiple times. They remained my favourite screen couple, and their fateful meeting at the Empire State Building in NY in the show was an ultimate classic, at least for me. With its romantic and Christmas themes, it would have been a popular movie choice around this time yearly, and evoke the same waves of upheavals in me each and every moment. It has become one that I would associate my romance with I.L, even if it would be many years down the road, with our whitening crowns of glories and bundles of procreation. It is a memory that I would like to keep as a remembrance of the passing of our youths and growing pains.
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